Okay, ignore that last one. Can I delete that somehow? Sorry edsq.

I've got a message, what do you guys think?

"brb - edsq is a douchebag.", ¬

Even more:
"Coffee spill. Putting on my emergency pants.", ¬
"Printing some new $100's before going out tonight.", ¬
"Putting pinholes in my roomie's condoms for April Fool's.", ¬
"Putting on my wetsuit to surf the web", ¬
"Brushing teeth. Chick was a dude.", ¬
"Cybering with hot_girl6969.", ¬
"Recycling corn in bathroom.", ¬
"Repainting the stripes on my zebra.", ¬
"Throwing the ball around with my quadraplegic son.", ¬
"Give me a few moments and I'll definitively tell you whether or not licking this toad can get you high.", ¬
"Pioneering a throat-cleaning mechanism.", ¬
"Here's hoping I properly identified that mushroom.", ¬
"Stress-testing my new clown suit.", ¬
"Investing in breast implants for dairy cows at auction.", ¬
"Just one more hot dog.", ¬
"Need more peanuts for my pet elephant.", ¬
"Lecturing my son on coitus interruptus and how I didn't want kids.", ¬
"Seriously, I'm almost out of minutes.", ¬
"Refuting Star Trek physics", ¬
"Enlarging my prostate.", ¬
"Warp drive interrupts all communications.", ¬
"Boosting my reproductive capacity via beer consumption.", ¬
"Corresponding with the dead.", ¬
"Putting on beer goggles.", ¬
"Fabricating a rubber donkey.", ¬
"Transcribing an aramaic text to FORTRAN.", ¬
"I KNOW I left my turkey baster right next to my desk.", ¬
"Stuffing my Fonzie piñata.", ¬
"Trimming my chia pet.", ¬
"Tilling the soil in my attic.", ¬
"Unstirring and then shaking my martini.", ¬
"Power-grinding my bunions.", ¬
"Shakin' the baby.", ¬
"Deciding which nursing home to send my parents with a coin.", ¬
"Trying to levitate.", ¬
"Recreating the Great Marianas Turkey Shoot with bath-tub toys.", ¬
"Where's my lighter? I can feel a huge fart coming.", ¬
"Practicing card tricks for grandma's funeral.", ¬
"Sharpening my blugeon.", ¬
"Reading to my children a bedtime story, Mein Kampf.", ¬
"Combing my back-hair.", ¬
"Full body shave.", ¬
"Mud wrestling a peacock.", ¬
"Stocking the larder, I hear the terror level just reached beige.", ¬
"My penguin is giving birth.", ¬
"Gone panda spankin'.", ¬
"Promoting flux capacitor deregulation.", ¬
"Will club soda take red wine out of a cat?"

Some ones that a friend and I added, some are probably too obscene for many:

"My roommate is having sex with his girlfriend, gonna find my camera, maybe join in...", ¬
"Emergency call, they need me in the OR to remove a stingray stinger from some guy's chest.", ¬
"Practicing for the world pickled cow-tongue eating championship.", ¬
"The scabies are breeding again, gotta find some tweezers.", ¬
"I can see my neighbor undressing and oiling himself up, gotta stop him from wrestling my dog again.", ¬
"Both hands are busy... don't ask.", ¬
"Throwing up after seeing my mom in an internet porn video.", ¬
"The slaves are rebelling, alert the overseer!", ¬
"I've got the peanut butter, now where is my dog.", ¬
"My sister is screaming at the imaginary gnomes again.", ¬
"Apparently pubic hair DOES burn.", ¬
"Working the red-light district.", ¬
"I think I may have a third nipple.", ¬
"Going to talk to the Jehovah's Witnesses at my door naked.", ¬
"The tallyman has come to tally my bananas.", ¬
"Exhuming dumpster-tacos for lunch.", ¬
"Getting two sex changes to see if they exactly cancel.", ¬
"Washing the camel spit out.", ¬
"Sleeping off last night's orgy.", ¬
"Planting apricot trees in my arboretum.", ¬
"||^2 = 0", ¬
"'Polishing' my Peewee Herman collection.", ¬
"My arboreal horn-toad got into the chocolate again.", ¬
"Getting beamed up by Scotty & Co. Raaaaawr, William Shatner.", ¬
"Can't sit down. Anyone have any toilet paper?", ¬
"Marble up the nostril again.", ¬
"Swallowed a thermometer. Need emergency number for mercury ingestion.